River Lets Her Walls Down
by Stream Harmony
Summary: River song is having a tough time trying to get the Doctor over the lose of the Ponds. She needs to let her walls down just this once. She needs a Doctor. But will he be there when she needs him the most? Madame Vastra, Jenny Flint, Strax (Sontaran), The Doctor, River Song and Nurse Hame (Novice Hame).
1. Tears

**This is my first ever story! Hope you like it! Please leave a review, I don't mind if you don't like it.**

The curly haired women sprinted down the drive, tears pooling at the edges of her sorrow filled eyes. She hid her face in her mane of golden curls, not wanting anyone to know how she felt on the inside. She shoved the key into the lock, forcefully, and dove into her apartment. Slamming the door behind her she revealed her face, grief stricken. Hot tears were flooding her eyes and pouring down her cheeks.

The Doctor wasn't there, so there was no longer any need to hide the damage. She slid down the door and pulled her knees to her face. She needed a good cry, to just let it all out, just this once. She, River Song, wanted to be stop being strong for everyone else. She hugged her knees, nestling her face into her hands.

She wished someone would come and comfort her after such a beastly experience. She hadn't been able to let her walls down for a week, in fear that the Doctor would see her.  
She had spent a two weeks trying to help him get over this lose. Even though she was only trying to help him, he threw harsh comments towards her, ignored her, he even cut her skin at one point.  
She looked down at her wrist where he had left an imprint in her skin. The flesh was bright red and the cut was deep. She remembered what he had said as he dug his finger nails into her flesh.

_River knelt next to the Doctor in a random room in the TARDIS. She placed her hands over his in a form of comfort. He didn't look up, clearly he was ignoring her. _  
_"Doctor…" She started. She hated seeing him this way, it broke her heart. The Doctor did not reply. River reached her hand out and cupped his face. She tried to tip his face up, so that his eyes would meet her own, but he fought to keep his head down. _  
_"Please…Doctor, you…y-you can't go on like this" River said trying to sound confident though worry made its way into her voice. _  
_"What do you know? Hmmm? Your _parents_ don't even love you! I heard them talking. You know what Amy said? She said "I wish River Song or Melody Pond (What ever you want to call that idiot) was never born! She's ruined my life!" And Rory agreed!" The Doctor yelled ice lacing his voice. River trembled, looking at him hurt reflecting in her eyes. She shuffled back slightly waiting to see if he had anything else to say. He did…_  
_"You _deserved_ all you got with the Silence and Madame Kovarian! I don't know why _anyone_ would even want to look at you! I am sick of pretending to love you, River Song" These words hit her as if she'd just walked into a brick wall. Now he look her straight in the eye, ice flowing from his deep, agonising eyes. He gripped her wrist, digging his finger nails deeply into her flesh. River groaned as crimson liquid oozed from her skin, staining the Doctors skin. _  
_"I have _never_ loved you. I only _pretended, _for the Pond's sakes. Now that they're all gone, theres no need to hide it any more. River you have to stop hiding yourself from the truth! _Nobody_ has ever loved you, and nobody ever will! Your a thick-headed _rat_, and I have known that from the day I met you when you died!" The Doctor snarled a cold grin plastered to his face. River held in her tears, knowing they would only make it worse. She held an apathetic expression on her face trying to keep her strong wall up. The bitter truth set a wave of crystal ice to her heart. Ice cubes danced around threatening to insert themselves into to her heart forever. Thats when River left. She could take no more._

New tears spilled out of her tired, red eyes. Slowly River got up and staggered to her bedroom. The crying was exhausting her. She slipped under her TARDIS blue covers, not even bothering to change into her pyjamas. Memories of her recent encounter drowned her thoughts. The pillow below her had a small wet patch from her tears. River would do anything to change these memories into a silly little dream. But the stench of reality floated its way into the room. That could never be an option.  
That night with out realising, she managed to fall into a deep slumber, her eyes still damp from crying.

Nightmares haunted her dreams. She tried to wake up and escape the dreams but something held her in them with no means of retreat. Images flashed through her mind; killing the Doctor, then the Doctor refusing to marry her (How that had hurt), the Silence, Madame Kovarian (that evil laugh had always terrified her, though she would never admit it), her parents jumping of a building (She had to hide the damage), the Doctor not trusting her, the Doctor and her parents leaving her with the Sisters of the Infinite Schism hospital (Alone, afraid and confused) and finally the Doctor telling her he did not love her and he never had. That had torn her heart out in one swift movement.  
Suddenly River was swept into a nightmare she had been avoiding her whole life;

_She was strapped to a experimental table with no possibility to escape. River looked down to see that her stomach was bulging before her. The shock of a sudden unknown pregnancy sent a churning sensation deep inside her. She her a voice that she did not recognise followed by one that she did._  
_"Do ya think she's ready? I mean it's only been a few hours, do ya think she'll survive it?" The unclear voice asked in a rush for answers._  
_"Wow, slow down! Yes she is most certainly ready for this. Though I don't really care if she dies!" Rory's voices laughed mockingly. River realised that the two people talking were her parents. _  
_"Oh look, I think she's ready to pop!" The voice of Madame Kovarian said just before River let out a scream. Her abdomen was on fire, she struggled to comfort her pain though thick straps held her down. A doctor walked up to her a large syringe in his hands, he wore a blue mask over his mouth and a blue hat over his hair. He let out a chuckle before revealing who he was, it was the Doctor. Her Doctor. He laughed at the horrified look on her face._  
_"Hello sweetie! How's the pregnancy?" The Doctor mocked shoving the syringe into her arm, the liquid slowly making its way into her arm._  
_"Doctor?," River whimpered, "W-when did I become…pregnant?"_  
_"About…hmm…maybe two hours ago…" The Doctor estimated. _  
_"Two hours? But how?" River asked quivering. She was still struggling, tugging at the straps. _  
_"We implanted it into you, then we sped up the process. We need this child, to give to Madame Kovarian. Oh, the pain you and your child are gonna receive." The Doctor chuckled. Looking at the scanner beside the table._  
_"Amy! Look at this! Her heart's slowing down! Looks like she is going to die!" Rory said laughing like a maniac. Amy looked at the scanner and began to smile._  
_"Thats great!" Amy cheered walking over to River._  
_She glared down at River a harsh look to her eyes. "You deserve this, for taking away my baby!" Amy shouted slapping River across the cheek._  
_"Ow! I didn't take your daughter, I am your daughter. Please, Amy" River said pain striking her stomach. _  
_"Doctor! Doctor…Doctor…help me…I'm in so much pain!" River called as her abdominal pain accelerated. _  
_"But I want you in pain, this is what you earned. Pain! River, pain!" The Doctor yelled pulling out a knife. He began to plunge it toward her. River felt an acute pain, the the tip on the knife dented her skin. It appeared to cut easily, though the Doctor pushed slowly as if trying to make it more painful. River shrieked no only from the physical pain but also from the emotional pain. The knowledge that the Doctor didn't love her was biting her hearts. She couldn't stand it, thats when everything turn to black_


	2. Danger? Pregnancy?

**Here is the second chapter. Hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please if you wouldn't mind, leave a review.**

The Doctor slumped in the TARDIS chair. He dearly missed his beautiful wife. He wanted to apologise about all that had happened the last few days. The way he had treated her made him feel sick inside. He knew if he wanted he could go and see her straight away. But what would he say? He felt so guilty. How would he fix this? She had no reason to accept his apology (though in truth he knew she would), she deserved so much better than this. His wife was always taking care of him, hiding the damage from him so that he didn't feel bad. In a way, many ways, he wished she wouldn't do that. He wanted to look after her for once. That's one of the many problems that kept them apart. She held a thick wall up to hold back all her emotions, she refused to let him see how she felt. He wanted to help but he couldn't.

The Doctor felt a large thump as the TARDIS decided to land. "Landing already, old girl? Or should I call you sexy now? Hmm…anyway. Where are we this time?" The Doctor asked dancing around the console until he found the scanner. They were in an Earth apartment in Bristol. "Why, on the moon of Walflesters, are we here?" The Doctor asked slowly edging towards the doors. The TARDIS groaned just as a scream came from outside her beautiful console. The Doctor nodded his head in approval before running out the doors to find out what was going on.

He was in a small living room like area. Another scream arose from upstairs. The Doctor sprinted up the stairs two at a time. When he made it around a corner he was faced with a TARDIS blue door. Gently he swung it open, revealing a cosy bedroom. Sprawled across the bed lay River Song, his wife. She let out another scream desperately clinging to the duvet that was slowly sliding of the edge of the bed. The Doctor ran over to her.

"It's okay River. I'm here now. It's only a dream, just wake up. Come on I know you can do it!" The Doctor encouraged giving her a little shake. That's when he noticed, her eyes were soaked and red from crying. She began to softly call for him.  
"Doctor…Doctor…please…don't do this to me…I'm in so much pain."  
"I know, but you have to wake up!" The Doctor shaking River.  
She groaned turning over in her sleep. She shrieked shoving her hands onto her stomach.  
Is she pregnant? But how…I mean…I know how…but…when? Well she certainly can't go on like this, the Doctor concluded. He carefully scooped her into his arms and slowly carried her out of the room.

The TARDIS moaned as they entered, her child was ill and she could sense it. The Doctor carried River into the TARDIS corridor before reaching a room with a red cross on it. He nudged the door with his shoulder, and it swung open. He gently placed River into a medical cot, before rushing over to some advanced looking medical equipment. He pulled a scanner over her fragile body. The scanner dinged, as it showed the analysis of her condition.

Names: Melody Pond, River Song, Melody Malone, the child of the TARDIS, the women who killed the Doctor.  
Species: Human/Timelord.  
Pregnancy: positive/negative/dead/alive  
Fatal injuries: 1  
Physical injuries: 24  
Emotional injuries: 32  
Danger: high  
State: sleeping  
Enemies: 10,000  
Needs: serious medical attention. Emotional trauma prevents consciousness. In serious danger. Pregnancy difficulties; unknown.

"She's in danger and pregnant? Difficulties? Hmm? Well I need to get her to the Sisters of the Infinite Schism, greatest hospital the universe has ever and will ever know! Just wait here, River, your going to be okay, I just have to get us to the schism. You stay here and be good, I…um…I love you…" the Doctor said planting a quick kiss on her forehead before rushing out to the control room.


	3. Nurse Hame

**The next chapter! thanks for the reviews! They made me feel all warm inside. It's really good to know that people appreciate your work! **

**Oh and just so you know this is written from the previous character Novice Hames point of view. But in this she is called Nurse Hame. Well enjoy!**

**oh and I loooooovvvveeee getting reviews!**

"You'll going great, and you're blood is pumping through your system at a much safer and healthier rate. In a few weeks you should be ready to go home, Mr. Wentoki." I inform an ill Brikonisaur. I have now finished my rounds of ward 20, just two more wards to take care of. I pull my veil over my face before proceeding to the lift. I walk past a man who gives me a judging look. I bow my head in politeness for I am used to those looks. They look at me like that because I am different to them, I am "a cat lady" as some people I have met seem to put it.

I push the button on the lift and stand patiently for the lift to come. Ward 21 is my favourite ward. This ward has all the new born babies in it. The lift arrives and the doors open. I hastily enter the lift, closing the doors behind me. 'Ward 21, please" I command the automatic system.  
"Yes, madame" The automatic voice calls bringing me up to ward 21.  
"Have a nice day!" The lift calls as I exit the lift. I walk down the long hospital corridor towards the nurses office.

On entering some of the nurses in the room greet me. I grab my blue pen and leave the room.  
The first room in the ward is the room of a young lady named Grominen Flaster. She is but 14 years old. A tough pregnancy, though she has made it and the baby is alive. I grab the clipboard from the edge of the room before making my way over to her bed. The baby was born only yesterday, so Mrs Flaster is exhausted.

"How is she?" Mrs Flaster asked weakly, placing her hand on her baby girls face. I look in the cot at a small baby. Her little eyes were wide open as if she was trying to take the world in all at once. She cooed quietly at the touch of her mother. I scanned her to see the information.  
"She is doing fine. She'll need to be fed soon. And she seems to be very happy. She's going to be just fine, Mrs. Flaster." I say putting the scanner away. I grab a syringe from the table next to me, I pull some Collinoni out of a bag.  
"Now, we need to get this into your system. It's Collinoni. This won't hurt" I say gently pushing the tip of the needle into the flesh on her arm. I slowly inject the liquid in before pulling out the syringe.  
"That's you done." I say putting the syringe down.  
"Thank you, nurse. When will I be able to leave?"  
"In a few days, you daughter may have to stay a little longer than you…" I say before being interrupted.

"Nurse Hame! Nurse Hame! Please, you must come quickly, it's an emergency! It's the Doctor!" An apprentice nurse burst through the door causing chaos and confusion.  
"Slow down, Nurse James. Did you say the Doctor?" I ask patiently, attempting to calm her down.  
"Yes the Doctor! Please, you must come immediately!" She say leading the way out of the room.  
"I am sorry about this. But I must attend to this emergency." I say leaving the room and following Nurse James. I pull down my vail again, to be polite.  
"What's the emergency?" I question rushing along behind Nurse James.  
"Well he appeared in the strange blue box, as usual. He says it's his wife, River. I believe you have tended to her before, have you not?" Nurse James asks buzzing with the excitement of her story.  
"Yes, yes I have." I reply waiting for her to continue.  
"Well he refuses to have any one else tend to her but you!" She said with exasperation.  
"This must be serious if it's a problem he can't fix on his own" I say as we reach the lobby.

I notice a familiar blue box parked in the reception area. Leaning on the door, a familiar man.  
"Hello, Nurse Hame. I have come with a patient needing serious medical attention!" The Doctor says rushing over to me.  
"What's wrong?" I ask following him towards the TARDIS.  
"It's River. I can' wake her up and the scanner showed me some weird readings. I just don't know what to do to save her" the Doctor said worry in his tone.  
"Take me to her, I'll see what I can do" I reply entering the, bigger on the inside, box. It clangs on entrance as if welcoming us but hurrying us at the same time.  
"Quick, you must help my child!" I hear in my head. Was that the TARDIS? It wouldn't surprise me.

The Doctor quickly finds the room with the red cross on it. He runs in towards a medical cot. I follow him and when I reach to the cot I see the face of River song. I barely recognise her. Her face is pale and sweat lines her brow. I rest my hand on her forehead to check her temperature. After a few seconds I pull my hand back. It hurts from the heat radiating from River.  
"That's bad…" I say realising the Doctor is in the room.  
"What? Please tell me" he say pressing me for answers.  
"Show me the scans! Quickly!" I rush. She is in a terrible condition. Will I ever be able to help her? Am I capable? I sure hope so, for River's sake.

The Doctor pulls the scanner to where I can see it.  
Names: Melody Pond, River Song, Melody Malone, the child of the TARDIS, the women who killed the Doctor, the women stuck in nightmares, dead, forgotten in time.  
Species: Human/Timelord.  
Pregnancy: positive/negative/dead/alive  
Fatal injuries: 2  
Physical injuries: 24  
Emotional injuries: 100  
Danger: impossible  
State: sleeping  
Enemies: 10,001  
Needs: DANGER!  
Sorry for the inconvenience, but this computer can not calculate this. Sorry for any inconvenience.

"Oh no!" I cry after reading the evidence. No one can help her. Not this time. She can't escape. She's dead…


	4. The Paternoster Gang

**This chapter is important, so concentrate! I had a lot of fun writing this for you, so enjoy! **

**Reviews are always loved!**

"Oh no!" Nurse Hame exclaimed gaping at the scanner. She whipped her veil off and stared even harder at the scanner in front of her. Is she okay? Please, River has to be okay! I can't live without her! She' she only person who has kept me going. My whole life has evolved around her.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I rush pulling on Nurse Hames arm.  
"She…she's…I don't know" Nurse Hame stuttered grabbing the railing on the medical cot for support.  
"What? What's wrong?" I ask again glaring toward Nurse Hame.  
"She…I-I…she…I can't…" She mumbles a tear forming at the edge of her eyes  
"Tell me!" I yell. Nurse Hame stares at me, she is scared and sad.  
"Doctor, I…I'm so, so…sorry. It' j-just…River…she's…d-d…d-d-dead. I'm so sorry."

I shrieked. My head began to spin. River? River can't be dead. Not yet at least! She died in the library, she sacrificed herself. She put herself in my place. She died when I should have, so I could have a life with her. I stared at River my hearts melting in my chest. Pain vibrated through my body as I chocked down tears.

River had taken my heart and protected it from this. Now my heart was out in the open, it had to fend for itself. It was scared and it couldn't cope. An empty feeling arose inside me as the truth sunk in; I couldn't get her back.

The room started spinning. Blurry images flash past, making a dizzy feeling rise into my stomach. My knees wobbled and collapsed to the ground. I fall forward, bumping my head on the cot. Memories of River begin to disappear. I feel time energy dance through my veins as time changes. Time is being re-written around me. Memories of something I should remember are disappearing.  
The images of a women with golden curls vanish from my mind.

"Doctor! Doctor?! Doctor are you okay?" I hear a faint voice calling. But before I can see who it is, a dark shadow looms over me. Black surrounds me so nothing is in sight. I try to wake up but I lose consciousness far to quickly to stop myself.

* * *

"Doctor? Hello? Doctor, please wake up. We need you, she needs you." I hear a faint voice call through the darkness. I fight to pull back into reality. Finally my eyes open. I see a blurred green face. Which can only mean one thing, Madame Vastra.

"Is he awake, Madame? I worry for Professor Song, She's getting worse again" a recognisable cockney voice says. Jenny Flint, certainly.  
"No, dear I fear that he is not. But Professor Song is strong, she will pull through." Madame Vastra replies.  
"Madame, the cat man appears to want to leave. It stared at me when I offered it a battle." A strange voice interrupted. Judging by the words used I guess that it is Commander Strax, a Sontaron.  
Thing begin to focus around me. I open my eyes wider and slowly sit up.  
"He is awake! Bring me some water!" Madame Vastra ordered before returning to help me.

"What happened?" I ask rubbing my head.  
"Nurse Hame informed me that you fell unconscious while helping Professor Song. Who is safe, so there is no need to worry."  
"Who?" I ask standing up, as Jenny brings in some water.  
"Professor Song." Madame Vastra repeats handing me the water.  
I take a sip, letting it start the healing process. Particles of regeneration spring around my body tending to wounds. Soon I will be back to normal again.

"Who's Professor Song?" I question  
"What do ya mean. You know Professor Song, we found ya 'elping 'er" Jenny said a confused expression on her face  
"Who are you talking about?" I repeat.  
"Maybe you don't address her like that. Her name is River Song." Madame Vastra said.  
River Song? That name rings a bell, I slightly recognise it. Must of met her some where. I don't really remember her though, must have been in one of my earlier regenerations.  
"That name rings a bell" I say aloud finishing my water.  
"Are ya joking. I think you should very well recognise the name seeing as you gave it to 'er. Especially with the relationship you 'ave with 'er" Jenny says in slight annoyance  
"Relationship?!" I ask in alarm  
"What's with you today!" Jenny demands  
"Calm down, dear. Maybe if you's see her you will remember. Please come this way. She's just through here" Madame Vastra informed leading them to a bedroom of to the side.

A women surrounded by golden curls lay on a bed in the corner of the room. She moaned softly curling up into a ball.  
"Do you recognise her?" Madame Vastra asked gesturing at the women in the bed. I shock my head.  
"I've never seen her in all my eleven lives" I say walking over to the bed. I put my hand in her forehead to feel her temperature. It's burns, like her head is on fire. I leave my hand there, this must be wrong.

"Doctor…please" The women mumbles.  
"Who is she?" I ask turning back to the others in the room.  
"Professor River Song." Madame Vastra answers.  
"To me? Who is she to me?" I inquire looking back at the women in the bed.  
"I'm not sure if we can tell you, Doctor." Madame Vastra says rubbing her forehead with her hand.

"You said, earlier, that I was trying to help her, what was wrong?" I say pulling a chair beside the bed.  
"We all though she was dead, but she's still moving and breathing. Maybe you should talk to Nurse  
Hame, she was there when you blacked out. She was trying to help you with Professor Song." Madame Vastra suggests  
"Yes, where is she?" I query standing up.  
"I will bring her up to you." Madame Vastra says leaving the room. Jenny follows her out, leaving alone with the women in the bed.

I sit back down and stare at the women in the bed next to me. She begins to tremble.  
"Doctor…stop…I'm in so much pain…AAHHHHH!" She screamed cramming her hands to her stomach.  
"It's okay I'm here now. Who are you, Professor Song? You clearly know who I am, so why don't I know who you are?" I ask stroking here cheek.  
She calms down a bit at my touch, she even snuggles her head into my hand. Could it be?


End file.
